Too good to be true ! - June 07
For months on end I studied everything that I could get my hands on about EFT. It was all in the name of true skepticism, I was sure it was too good to be true! How could thinking of horrible things and tapping bits of you create such lasting results? Well Gary Craig’s face kept smiling at me. Soon, I found that understanding was less important than the results of this deceptively simple set of techniques could provide. I can honestly say that EFT has provided a vital missing link for myself and my clients. For me, it’s the younger generation that attracts my most passion.
EFT is a wonderful empowering gift and there is a very special need to extend it’s benefits to our next generation. Helping children to feel calm about their emotional issues from a young age is vital.
By removing the disruption in the energy system, the link between that distressing thought /memory and it’s associated negative emotion is broken. We need to remember that physiological and emotional responses are every bit as real for children as they are for us. Tapping is equally successful dealing with a huge trauma for a child as it is for helping them to feel OK about every day issues.
Working with children, I have been guided naturally to fine tune the techniques and delivery. During individual sessions, group workshops, families groups, and in educational or care settings, their vocabulary used around tapping continues to inspire me. Feeding back what they like to see, hear and touch, catches their attention and makes the process so much more effective.
There’s no sitting on the fence either, during tapping they soon tell me their honest opinion and guide me where we need to go. Like many practitioners who specialise in EFT with the younger generation, I have endless interesting and touching case studies about my experiences with children from toddler through nursery, school and adolescence.
EFT works for all these age groups and by slightly modifying the approach through language, technique, delivery and the use of appropriate resources the beneficial effects will improve. As an illustration I will outline some of the adaptations that I used at a recent workshop day.
At the educational initiative entitled ‘Supporting Children with Challenging Behaviour’ at the inner London area of Hackney, I presented three workshops.First was; ‘Tapping with Toddlers’. I faced an enthusiastic audience comprising of a mixture of babes in arms, toddlers, parents, educators and nursery staff. We shared an exercise to feel our energy at rest, for those less familiar with energy techniques. Soon we were using basic tapping and the atmosphere became electric with questions and queries about, so how do you tap for…..Feeding issues, sleeping issues, control issues, crying, angry toddlers, etc. We also explored variations of parent tapping on toddler’s points and parent tapping on themselves for issues with their toddlers. The audience left armed with tips, tapping points and a definite buzz about a very effective tool for both parent and child.
After lunch, School age children, teachers and parents arrived. I recruited my own group of ‘emotional helpers’ aged between 6 and 8. They came out front to help my bear named PAT to overcome his shyness. He was a bit scared as he hadn't been to Hackney before. The young children saw that his name had got mixed up. The letters of his name read TPA. Luckily PAT remembered he can TAP to help himself feel differently. The children eagerly helped him and joined in and finished off by singing the Tapping Tune - 'Trying the Best I Can' (which is a line from the song written and musically arranged by children – catchy tune and available shortly with video clips on DVD. It is ideal for children to become familiar with the points and ideas about tapping. Using music children can become accustomed with tapping alongside their peer group, whether at school or during an activity.
During the last session of the day I let two video clips do the job of revealing how tapping works for the category that people often regard as the most reluctant - Tapping with Teenagers. I don’t necessarily go with this idea – I find in almost all circumstances that using appropriate routes into what interests them and help them feel that you can be trusted breaks through any reluctance barrier.
Video 1. One of my sixth form groups discussing their relationship issues. When the time comes for tapping some of the teens (great for the more introverted members of the group) opt to select some ‘Access cards’ (my own creation of adolescent emotion cards). The cards help them to bypass some forms of embarrassment, guilt or shame about how they feel and help them start to form the base of their choice phrases when they tap. In the clip, the students tap merrily away, identifying their changes and beautiful reframing phrases flow.
Video 2. Again 16 year olds using tapping for pre-exam nerves a few days before their first AS papers. Great vocabulary and results. I only wish I had the video recorder available a few days later when I found them on the exam day tapping outside the hall waiting to go in.
Teenagers at the workshop were keen to find out more and loaded up with support notes and diagrams for friends! One guy said, “I like those cards, I would be OK starting with that one (pointing to Frustrated)”. Max 15.
If you are a parent, educator or you are responsible for the emotional and behavioural wellbeing of children then I invite you to log onto www.eftworld.co.uk to read more.
To join the growing forum of EFT practitioners that specialise in using EFT with children then log onto www.eftworld.co.uk/practitioners Many practitioners who are interested in delivery of first class EFT with children have already been able to benefit from exchange of expertise and developmental opportunities.
Christine Moran is an advanced EFT practitioner based in Buckinghamshire, UK. To book sessions, by phone, face-to-face, and workshops call 01494 766758 or email on contact@eftworking.co.uk. She is a moderator on the www.eft4kids.emofree.com forum and an advisor on another international children’s EFT project.
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Flexible approach to EFT pulls 10 year old boy out of his 'Dark Place'
Hi Everyone,
Christine Moran from the UK allows her creativity and intuition to assist her in achieving a first class EFT result. She says, "Within a week I had reports from three different staff that teach Chris at school who were astounded at the instant transformation that he presented the next Monday morning at school. They had no idea that he had been to see me. They noted how much he contributed in class, answering questions and volunteering to help - apparently he had not actively contributed for about one year before. In the playground he organized games and helped other children join in AND he was happy....Chris has astounded me by the changes he made that day and those changes have lasted."
Hugs, Gary
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By Christine Moran
Chris's mum (Elaine) who was a regular user of EFT rang and told me that her son (Chris--age 10) was stuck in a 'dark place' and she couldn't think a good way to approach his sadness using EFT. She said his grief was due to how he felt at school. Elaine had done her research with the school staff to uncover more about his sadness. It seemed that Chris was not verbally or physically bullied as such, but because he felt no one liked him, he had dropped into an increasingly depressive state. When he reached my practice room, he looked every bit a 60 year old man, drooped in the shoulders, looking at the ground with facial features grey and strained.
His mum sat in an adjacent room while Chris and I began to talk. At first I asked him about things outside school to try and put him at ease. I asked him about hobbies, where he likes to go and things that make him happy. His words were filled with negative gloom and he held a very dismal outlook on life. I literally felt the black clouds looming over him and I started to feel the burden affect my outlook.
We spent some time in an attempt to uncover the layers of his woe. His mum had told me that he has always had difficultly making friends and she thought that being an only child was a big factor. He felt: left out at school, different, and not like the other kids.
I showed Chris the tapping points and explained that I use tapping to sort out my sad energy sometimes. I also got him to log onto my children's EFT website which lists out loads of children's issues. He looked at some of them and said, "Oh, so I'm not the only odd one!"
We used our hands to measure the intensity of his issues instead of using numbers when we worked through all of the aspects listed below. Children usually prefer this and in the case of Chris, the fewer words the better. So for starters we tapped together on: Even though I get upset because I feel left out at school, but I'm still a good boy. I checked that he was OK about the words we were using. I am always careful to use words that are meaningful to a child - you are really wasting your time otherwise.
I always feel different from the other children … I don't like football … I don't like the games they play … they are too rough … I feel like no one wants to play with me. Each time, we re-measured the strength of his feeling and we made slow and gradual progress towards hands getting closer together.
Then he said, "When I think the others are talking about me I get a ringing in my ears." We tapped on those words and I asked him if he had to take a guess why his ears ring loud what might be the reason. He said, "I guess that when my ears ring I can't hear what they are saying." I asked what he thought they were saying and he said, "Hmm, actually I don't think they are talking about me, but I get scared in case I might hear something I don't like.” We tapped for Even though they might be talking about me and that makes me scared, I'm still a good boy
Typically by this stage I would be getting feedback that the session was moving in the direction that the client had desired. In the case of Chris, I had a hunch that he was resistant to let go of some of these feelings. I felt that this sadness (as he called it) was part of his story and would be lost without it.
For me, this was confirmed by two things. I asked him how he would feel if he no longer had this sadness and he said, "I think I will always feel sad." Then, I did the arm test (muscle test) for reversal and he showed more positive on "I want to keep this sadness.”
I decided it would be a good idea to change tactics at this stage, but I wasn't sure how. I instinctively stood up and I wandered across to the other side of my office (a break state in NLP terms). I reached into a cupboard which had some craft materials and don't ask me why, but I pulled out a piece of cardboard. The card was coloured - at one end it had bright rainbow colours, which gradually faded to the other end with dark greys and then black right on the end.
I placed it on the table in front of Chris and something clicked. His silence broke. "I'd like to be there," he said pointing to the bright coloured area. I asked him where he was and he pointed to a corner of the black. We measured and then tapped:
Even though I'm in the black area, I know I'm a good boy. After one round I could see visual changes in him and I altered the statement to
Even though I'm in the black area now, I may not always choose to be here.
Even though I' m in the black area now, I may decide to feel differently about how people see me.
Suddenly after three rounds, he jumped up and announced, "I'm not in the black area any more … I don't care what other people think." I wanted to be very careful that he hadn't just decided to pay lip service to the reframe, so I asked him what happened. He said, "I need to get rid of it." He pointed to the black bit. I asked him how he could do that and he said, "I'd like to rip it off and get rid of it." I told him I needed to be sure that he really wanted to get rid of it and asked, "Do you think I should keep it here in my drawer in case you want to be sad again?" I was testing his willingness to reframe.
"No, I want to get rid of it forever." The metaphor of the colours in the cardboard had given Chris an opportunity to let go. This boy's attitude was changing dramatically before my eyes. I asked him what he would do with it then. He said, "Rip it into bits soooo small and put them into your bin."
I said we could do even better than that and I brought him outside into the garden where Chris ripped up the black card end into tiny pieces, dropped them into the bin saying, "I'm done with you sad thoughts for good." He stood in the bin and jumped up and down on the rubbish until he was exhausted. His face was bright, his posture upright, he beamed broadly. He jumped out of the bin, back through the office, grabbing the remainder of the coloured piece of card and literally leapt into the waiting room grabbing his mum by the hand saying, "It's gone Mum, I'm not the same." Elaine smiled but seemed a little bewildered by the dramatic changes. She wasn't the only one.
Within a week I had reports from three different staff that teach Chris at school who were astounded at the instant transformation that he presented the next Monday morning at school. They had no idea that he had been to see me. They noted how much he contributed in class, answering questions and volunteering to help - apparently he had not actively contributed for about one year before. In the playground he organized games and helped other children join in AND he was happy.
All the staff who noticed the changes pounded on his mum that evening to ask - What did you do for him? They could not believe the change in him. Elaine explained about tapping and put the welfare teacher in contact with me. Now, seven months later, Chris is transformed. He knows that he is a bit different from the other boys at school, but he told me that he doesn't care because he is "Still a brilliant boy." I was so chuffed I made him a business card that he is proud of that says, Chris - Still the Brilliant Boy.
Chris has astounded me by the changes he made that day and those changes have lasted. He still taps when he needs to and what's more, he doesn't mind if others see him do it. In fact if a child asks him what he is doing the teachers told me that he is happy to show them how to tap. I run introductory tapping workshops for school children and teachers in many schools, and run individual sessions for children and/or parents. I love the empowering impact of tapping for children and all to help with our issues large and small.
Christine
Source http://www.emofree.com 12.11.07
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Pain and rash leave in 90 seconds for a 10 year old boy
Hi Everyone,
Christine Moran from England skillfully helps a young boy in distress. After she finishes she notes, Happy to have helped, I stood up and turned around. To my surprise I was faced with an awestruck audience of adults and children. They were open mouthed and fixed to the spot having watched in silence this strange technique and witnessed such an instant transformation. They all echoed, “How do you do that?”
Hugs, Gary
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By Christine Moran, EFT- ADVJune 2007
Recently my family and I attended a big celebration at a friend’s house. It was fantastic family fun and the weather was glorious (we British are so grateful for nice weather). More than 30 children played happily in the large garden all afternoon. Whilst I was chatting, my 12 year old daughter (who incidentally is a BIG fan of EFT) suggested that I might like to pop inside the house as one of the boys was in difficulty.
Puzzled, I went inside and viewed a group gathered around a boy of about 10 years old and saw that two adults were supporting him as he seemed too weak to stand. He was writhing around in pain clutching the side of his abdomen. He had uneasy breathing and was showing signs of distress. He had been like this for about 10 minutes.
Their attempts to help him seemed to be in vain. His mother said that he has a nut allergy, and although she didn’t think he had consumed any, he was indeed developing a rash on his back. I had been standing at a distance but felt compelled to offer some help. First, I fetched a chair. He slumped down, grey faced, short of breath and moaning.
I gently asked his mum whether she minded that I try a relaxation technique that might help calm him. She agreed as she shot out the front door saying she was going to move the car closer to the house so she could leave with him. I picked up his left hand (his other hand was clutching his body) and tapped gently on his karate chop point as I spoke to him. “Tell me how you feel” “Pain’s here (pointing to his side) and in my back” “What does it feel like?” “A stabbing pain” “What’s your name?” “Matthew”
Continuing to tap on the karate chop point, I started the set up, Even though I have this stabbing pain in my side and back, I’m still a great boy. I asked, “Is that right Matthew, you are a great boy?” “I’d like to think so,” he whispered. I crouched down to his level and detected a faint smile. I tapped on him from the top of the head through to under the arm. After, I asked him to try and take a breath in and out.
Before I got a chance to check how he was feeling, he lifted his face and made full eye to eye contact for the first time and said, “I don’t understand what you’ve done but the pain has almost gone!” “Great Matthew, you’re doing fine, now if you wouldn’t mind we’ll just do a little more together and try and see if we can get rid of the rest of the pain.” I asked “Does it still feel like stabbing?” and he said it was like a dull ache.
Again I tapped his karate chop point with the set up, Even though my side and back still have some ache, I am still a great boy. After one more complete round of "remaining ache" I was faced with a bright-eyed smiling boy who had no ache … normal breathing … and NO RASH. The whole process took about 90 seconds from start to finish.
Matthew was incredulous, “That’s amazing … I feel fine now, Thanks Lady.” With that he bolted out the front door transformed and ran down the driveway calling his Mum, then pointing at me he beamed “That Lady in there made me better, go and she’ll tell you what she did.” Then he shouted back, “Thanks Lady.”
Happy to have helped, I stood up and turned around. To my surprise I was faced with an awestruck audience of adults and children. They were open mouthed and fixed to the spot having watched in silence this strange technique and witnessed such an instant transformation. They all echoed, “How do you do that?”
Then, followed 15 minutes of questions about EFT and its applications. And, so there and then I had the Law of Freely Give, Freely Receive played out before me as three parents booked onto my next EFT introductory workshop!
Today I have checked and Matthew is feeling fine.
Christine Moran EFT-ADV
Source: www.emofree.com/Children/pain-rash-moran.htm
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Surrogate EFT with children - Feb 08
Whilst active tapping with children is the best gift I know to help clear negative emotions, there is good occasion for surrogate or proxy tapping with a child. It is really quite simple, no need to make it complicated. Following are some general guidelines:
“ Getting yourself out of the picture”
Words from Gary Craig when he is talking about practitioners working with clients. Of course, the same applies to parents helping with their children’s issues. What use can you possibly be to your child in helping them if your energy field is disrupted as well?
If we anxiously tap with someone or on someone we greatly lessen our chances of a positive result - this is one reason that we always tap along with clients. I don't want my own state to interfere with their healing.
To the frazzled mum of the tantrum ridden toddler in the supermarket.
To the parent who is faced yet again with a child who refuses to do homework
To the parent who is waiting for their teenager to return home late at night.
My advice to other parents and to therapists is the same:
For the true energy balancing effects of surrogate tapping to be most effective, always, always, always tap on yourself first.
This will make all the difference.
Children tend to be intimately tied to their parent’s emotional state to determine how they are going to feel. Remember, emotions get transferred between people when we interact, and children are often like tuning forks for our emotional states. So,try..
“ Even though I am feeling angry that this …. has happened again, I deeply and completely accept myself” Working through levels of how you feel about the issue and remeasuring SUD’s as you go.
By tapping yourself first you have more chance of truly being able to get into their space. You become free of your own negative emotional states ABOUT the problem, in order to work with the child ON their problem. Prior to this, emotions are likely to cloud response - and even being transferred to your child, short circuiting the benefits of tapping.
Once you can honestly feel in a balanced state you can begin to tap for your child.
“Alone or together ?”
You do not have to be in the same room with your child. In fact, sometimes it can be a good idea to take a little space as long as they are not in any potential danger.
If the child is calm you can sit near them or hold them on your lap. You can say the words out loud so the child can hear clearly or to yourself if you feel there may be resistance.
A great time for surrogate tapping is when your child is asleep. You can focus on the tapping points on the child as you tap on yourself. Use words/phrases that your child would say.
You can do a surrogate tap for your child if they are on a school trip or even abroad.
“How do I get started ?”
A good place to begin is to tap your Friendly (Karate) Point and say, “My intention is to help …. (name) by seeing this issue through his/her eyes and feeling his/her feelings through his/her heart because I love him/her.”
Tap yourself to clear your own energy. Example: “Even though I am upset/concerned/sad/angry (pick one or insert your own) about ..( name’s).. issue (describe the issue), I completely accept and love myself and him/her.”
Alternate or additional statements could be…“I choose to be calm and loving about this issue” or…I release my negative feelings of frustration/ anger/ guilt” or “…I choose to be calm, confident and caring.”
“ Becoming the child ? ”
What is meant is that after clearing your own issues, try to put yourself in his/her place or look at the issue from his/her perspective. Tap yourself “as if” you are your child. Make your statement in the first person.
It is my belief that as long as we ask for our EFT to be "for the highest good of all", then we are in integrity.
“My child won’t tap anyway ! ”
Occasionally when tapping is new to a child can be resistant to tapping or being tapped on. Tap yourself first for your frustration. Then, use your child’s own exact words whenever you can to tap on yourself. Example: “Even though I think this tapping is stupid, silly or won’t work, I am willing to give it a try, anyway.”
When you feel a good emotional shift, you can begin to tap yourself for the issues at hand. Don’t worry unduly about SUD’S; you have a good idea what the intensity is. You might want to throw in that “Even though I am feeling mad/sad/bad, I know my mum and dad love me and care about me.”
You can be open, child like and creative with your statements. Be persistent. Be patient. Be silly! Most of all, be gentle with yourself.
I will offer you more advice on gentle ways to overcome your child’s resistance to tapping in a later issue.
“What issues can I work on ?”
The answer is simple. You may choose to surrogate tap on any issues that have emotional content: e.g.
•Temper, stubborn, anger, fear, confidence, sadness, guilt, shame, etc
•When parents are separated from their child for some reason - hospital, school trip, etc
•When the child is resistant to tapping on themselves
"I’m not sure about it ?”
Sometimes I get asked do I think is it ethical to tap for someone else. I usually respond by asking them to consider do they ask permission to pray for someone else. With care, surrogate tapping reduces negative emotions by clearing energy disruption always with the Child’s Best Intention in Mind.
Children, parents, grandparents can learn surrogate tapping with PAT Bear